Head of Devin

Holy shit. It's already the end of July? Fuck. Welp. It is what it is. OK. Where do I start? How was my July? Didn't celebrate the 250th on July 4th. Not that I am unpatriotic. I do like and love the country I live in. Even with the blood on it's hands from history. Although I didn't have to work that day, my son spent the evening sleeping because he stayed awake all night playing video games on his laptop. So no real opportunity to catch a legal fireworks show. As for the 4th of July? And the 250th year of being a country? I was born in 1978. So I have a world view of a Gen X'r. Whatever the hell that is right? The age range is so broad for our category. I am not gonna get overtly nostalgic, but I will say it's tough to speak for a generation. Once again, whatever that means. I think on top of all the world events since the late 70s, I am thinking of trying to defend both sides of my family's history. And I am now getting fatigue quickly with the daunting amount of energy just for that. I know. One thing after another right? Anyhoo, yeah, politics blow. From wars, propaganda for the mid terms and Fauci getting grilled on the congressional hotseat. Politics abound. I wanna bitch about some things, but I also don't want a digital footprint for my rants or bullshit. I also don't wanna come across as a guy in car or truck screaming at phone with this blog. The world has enough of those right? I have been trying my best to not let things bother me. I want to maintain my own sense of identity. In a sea of cows, I wanna be a lone wolf. I have no idea where this is coming from, maybe I want to be original in a sea of mediocrity. And I want to strive for authenticity. In whatever case. From art and music to rights and responsibilities. It's hard for me not to just think of myself. I want to strive for selflessness. I am not gonna go to a guru or anything (wouldn't that be cool?). Making life better. It's hard not to think of yourself. Did I say that already? Probably. So. Living better. Being better. I need to. Not just for my sake. But for the one's I love and care for. I lived life so off the cuff this long. How did I live this far? With how I am a tad self destructive in nature (no exercise, not eating good, smoking weed and eating edibles), I need to be better. I need to eat right. I need to make doctor visits. Dental visits. Maybe not go to Travis Bickle lengths of self care (remember when he was burning himself with open flame?), but you get the gist. Work has been steady. I work Monday through Friday. After working where I have been for over 11 years, I worked my way into a cool schedule. I do not miss working Sunday buffet's. Newbies and evening dishwasher can wrangle that horse. This month has had a number of good with the bad. The good. Camping with my wife and child at Swan Lake. Playing Wenatchee, WA with my metal band Khaos Driver. The bad. Air conditioners in my car and house are weak. Getting kind of tired of this shit. The Kaiser Complex fire is near my folks. They are in what is considered 3rd Degree or is it Level 3 Evacuation. They really should have left last week, but they are holding steady. Last week I helped my folks with packing essential and family heirlooms. Even the vinyl lol. They are doing well considering. I want Nathan to spend time with them this year, but dammit these fires right? Omak is surrounded by them. This shit is getting old. Well. At least we haven't had things happen here like in Seattle recently. Oof. I have noticed I have aged. Things I used to be on point with are now behind a veil of old man qualities. I'm slower. I sweat even doing the simplest things. I know it's part in parcel with not being in any sense of good shape whatsoever. In my mind I want to be better. But something in me still self sabotages myself. Even some of the most menial things like creating a playlist is a chore. Where as before I would spend hours getting things right. I am losing patience easier. All these self observations are just telling me at least I am aware of myself. Accountability is a mofo. I did spend some time trying to think about this months post. But it seems that it's hard to remember what those things were. I wonder if I lie to myself. If so, I am really good at lying to myself. Part in parcel right?