Where do I start for this month?
Do I start with a false sense of positivity, even though the blackest cloud is overcast above my being? Do I bear my soul and overshare in abundance and try to rhetorically question everything? Do I start off with a greeting, even though I have no clue who even looks at blogs anymore? I mean, at this point, in this day and age, do blogs have any impact on thought or conscious? See here I go rhetorically questioning everything. So I guess that's where we start. Rhetorical! Rhetorical! OK, I shall reign it in. Grab this blog by the horns. And take control of my own conscious.
I will now bear the soul. I need to confirm with all friends and family to please don't mistake my niceness as weakness or whatever. I am too nice for my own good. At times I am also too patient. So much so, others non-patience is exposed, especially when in line for the post office. I give postal workers all the time, they take to much crap from folks in my personal opinion. But I digress, my way can be different from the pack. It's been something I have observing of myself for many years. But one thing for sure. Please don't fuck with me. I have boundaries. I have instituted a level of personal conscious and self commitment, I am un-fucking-touchable. Any argument is up for shreds. Because my stance on things is so grounded, you will have to be strong with your points, views, and show some evidence. I am getting tired of being stepped on. I am even at times wondering if I should sever family ties. My mind getting fatigued to the max with family stress, technology, politics, society and even those I live with. All these things that bother me, I feel like I am being tested. The way of the world. Life. Has a way of carrying itself. Like, there's this energy that is so free and there, that it could very well be the dark matter we speak of. The ether. Thin air. I know I sound crazy. Overwhelmed? Maybe. Fed up? For sure. I am in a time of my life where I want to prolong how I can live a simple life and do the things that I want to do with little to no obstacles. Just like everyone else right? Then why is it so hard or complicated? What makes it a chore to achieve such a thing? Maybe. Just maybe. We fight energy we can't see or quantify in real life yet? [puts hands up] I don't know. I am just a guy who does dishes for a casino, raises a kid with his wife, lives with his mentally unstable and religious sister-in-law, lives with a room mate who is kind, lives with an adorable cat, puts up with a homeless brother-in-law who lives in my derelict car in the back parking lot, plays in a metal band, and smokes and consumes (self medicates?) as much cannabis as he can, just to put up with all the bullshit surrounding him. Look. Now I am talking about myself in third person. Ugh...should I just end todays entry now? [shrugs]
Observation. So many. I live my life with it. One of my friends (he passed away a couple years ago, Chris) felt closer to me because of it. We bonded over our keen observant nature. From looking at the big picture, to zeroing in and getting to the most minute iota of a fact. Just walking into a room or structure, surveilling the scene immediately. Maybe it's a form of the spectrum. Or maybe it's a gift among gifts. I even observe people. Friends and family. Complete strangers when I an out doing errands. Sometimes I wonder if it is a hinder. But nothing yet. I bring this up because I think humanity needs to observe more. Body behavior. Human interaction. Road rage. I don't know how many times I have spoke to myself (in my head and under my breath) and told myself "Not today, Devin."
I am in the belief that humanity is at odds naturally because of the lack of respect for each other. I know. "Real broad stroke there, Best" I know. But fuck. War, corruption, homicide...the machine rolls on. I was born in 1978. By the time I was observant to world events, the cold war was at it's highest. The threat of nuclear war loomed into the 80s. TV films like The Day After seemed real. When I was sick with a fever, I had a fever dream of the apocalypse (I still think of it to this day). When I was a child, America was at odds with the Soviet Union. When the Iron Curtain dropped, things kinds seemed cool. But only in certain areas of the world. What is interesting of the 80s and under, was coverage wasn't as wide as it is now. With the power of the Internet, things have little to squeak by without reporting. In the 80s, there's probably things we don't know of that have been buried by time. With that said, with modern events, folks can now be thrown in jail for even a social media post (would hate to live in that country). Viewpoints, be it religious or political, can generate controversy in nano-seconds. One thing from my observation of things, is...it's amazing how things just become things and the fallout thereafter is something we all have to deal with on a large and small level. Certain human traits are tested more and more each day. Especially empathy and compassion. The ones who express it are fewer than the ones who ignore it in my opinion. Hence the toxic situations at home and abroad. People haven't overcome ultimate acceptance. Division has loomed it's hand across the globe (yes, I said globe, suck a fart flat-Earthers, I certainly divide myself from you fucks). Once we overcome self-social-division, maybe we'll get somewhere. But still, fuck flat-Earthers.
Epstein files, war, conspiracies, religion, politics, corruption, fraud, crime, evil, greed, and so on. If there was only a way none of these things can make individuals radicalized. Too bad common sense hasn't dictated. I mean, would it be low hanging fruit with upbringing and the lack of? Once again. Rhetorical. Not unless you really want to discuss. The comment box is there. Not trying to instigate. But to have that type of interaction is available. I think it's healthy. Even if the opposing side stays opposed. I have always expressed that there is always going to be a yin to a yang. Positive to a negative. It seems natural by now. I have a feeling not all folks are tuned into themselves to feel or notice it. It is suppressed. Either by nature or nurture. And that is always been the catalyst for discovery. In human nature and behavior. Too bad no one helps. Even themselves. Some get riled. I get it. What you don't understand is sus. So to speak.
I really don't know where I am going with this. I thought I was on to something, but I am even getting fatigued with this blog entry. It's not like I am some specialist or doctor. Once again, I am just a dishwasher in a casino. But to try and find the answers is human nature. We shouldn't be discriminated for seeing any opposing side. Especially in this so-called free country. Seems the powers that be want to test how much fascism they can instill upon the masses. Luckily not everyone is smelling what they're cooking. Seems like. And that is good. But there needs to be more numbers. More folks should speak there mind. Not be afraid of making folks clutch their pearls.
It's been a heck of a month. An old class mate called me because they were suicidal and needed somebody to be with them. I felt bad I couldn't be there for them. I have a wife and kid, and when the class mate reached out, I was just off work heading home. I have to admit. I was thrown for a loop. Especially after myself, since expressing depressive black clouds that were over me on Facebook at the beginning of the month. I felt guilty for expressing for myself, but not being there for someone else in an instant. As the days went by after their call, I chalked it up to the person not knowing my life and realizing the boundaries laid are what they are. But I really don't know. I hope they are OK. I can only help, but within reason. And I only let myself be close to just a few individuals. I am not ready to immediately be there for someone else unless they are super SUPER close to me. Just how it is. I apologize ahead of anything for that fact.
Getting older. I realize what I want more and more. Not just materialistically. But boundaries-wise. And pertaining to my living situation, I want a more simpler life. I just want to live with my wife and kid. No one else. It's getting more and more of a hassle to live with my sister-in-law (who lives in a corner of our house) and my brother-in-law (who sometimes but not all time uses my old Buick parked in the back to sleep or congregate with other homeless druggies). They are to me, a nuisance. Would I tell my wife this? I have. But even she knows, she needs change. Change to simpler life. We do not these people muddying up our life. At least that's how I feel. I am even getting fatigue from all their bullshit. I know my family (especially my son) is seeing it. I long for the day we are in a new (or new-to-us) house, and it's just that, us. To dream.
I leave with this last paragraph or so with words. I know I have been expressing what I have been into (the "Favorite Things") in minute detail, and not much of that has changed since last month. But I will leave with expressing I love my family. My wife and son. My mom, dad and sister. All the relatives on both sides. My band Khaos Driver is in the works. Finishing mixes for our first demo EP. And we have one show booked in the summer (July 25th in Wenatchee, Wally's House of Booze). We do want to perform more, so I will for sure be sending word this way to whoever scopes this blog. I appreciate anyone who takes their time to read my nonsense. Hopefully it helps. If not. Fuck, we're both screwed I guess. Try and sleep from that one?
Alright everyone,
Ciao)))
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| Slate Peak Fire Lookout |
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| RIP Ross the Boss Photo from Eddie Trunk's FB |
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| Middle Satsop Rd |
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| Photo editing by me |
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| Photo editing by me |
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| Photo of my beautiful wife by me |
Snohomish River  |
| NB I-5 south of Bellingham WSDOT |
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| NB I-5 south of Bellingham WSDOT |
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| Photo editing by me |
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| SR 20 east of Newhalem (MP 130) |
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| RIP Phil Campbell |
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| GET WELL JELLO!! RIP Country Joe! |
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| SR 10 near Cle Elum |
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| My dad and I |
