Wake me up, when September Nyyehhhs!

 So...

    What's goin' on? Because right now...I am not comfortable. What a way to start off this months blog right? Well...it is what it is right there. Time. Mortality. Health. Music. Creativity. Pornography; have all been compartmentalizing in a swirl inside my inner void since the end of summer. It's like a landfill of desires and ambitions. To the breaking point and leaking. Seeping with gases and fumes of ungodly stench. A garbage island in middle of the sea. Full of inner turmoil, anxiety, addiction, and pride. Lately I have been engaging with putting the mask of positivity on for not only work and family, but friends. I need to be more honest and not so nice. At least that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I get mistaken for being the nice, quiet and patient one. Willing to tolerate certain situations and instances. I feel like I do better than most in that regard. But I try not to let it get to my head as well. Age has been a weird factor for me. I sometimes overthink and let things become daunting. I shouldn't let it bother me. Something to work on I suppose. Add it to the laundry list of shit I need to take care of. The universe is large. There is room. Just feel like there isn't enough time. Large enough space means nothing if there is no time. 

    Been focusing on podcasts while I work. It takes my mind off of depressive intrusive thoughts. Work let's me wear some over ear headphones. And I thank them for it. The sprayer and machine can get loud. I know I have probably diminished some of my hearing in the 8 years I have worked at the casino dish pit. I should get a test done and see the damage. Last time I had a hearing test was at Colville Indian Precision Pine (not in business anymore). And that was in the 00s.

    Nathan is doing well. He turned 9 this month. I still can't believe he is being stubborn with his palette. He needs to eat more different foods. We want to include him in our meals but he is still being finicky and requests other stuff. There are times where I want to exude more meaner approach to his eating. But I don't want to scar him for life and be feared by him. He's been doing good in school. Granted it's still the first quarter, but so far on a good roll with no trouble.

    Chrystal has been such a huge help. She is quite the wife. I love her dearly, forever. Keeping me sane. Helping me with the house. We want to purge some things. This house is filling up with memories and mementos. We have a bunch of things from our past as well. We talk about yard sales, but we got to plan it well. We will probably be ready with a good yard sale for the springtime. 

    I need to cut sugar. Cannabis is now in competition with sugar. I barley drink alcohol. I smoke a lot of weed. And vape the shit out of vape pens. But sugar still gets me where weed doesn't. It kind of scares me. But I keep telling myself it could be worse.

    I did some traveling. I drove to Portland, OR and visited my lifelong friend Jay. We both went to the Bulldozer tour. You can check Bulldozer off the bucket list. Finally have seen them. Deceased... as well for that matter. Jay and I have been fans Deceased... since '94. Got to shake King Fowley of Deceased...'s hand. Talked with him in the merch booth area, but it was loud and I was wearing earplugs, so I was a little bit just head nodding along. All the bands killed it that night. Demiser, Ares Kingdom, Deceased... and Bulldozer. I wish I had a friend come with me to Oregon. All that driving wore me out. Washington and Oregon Department of Transportation should brainstorm more easier routes to destinations. Some of the signs were hard to understand. And I took a few wrong turns. I usually never do. But this trip I fell prey to some turns. And had to recalibrate routes with Google Maps. Also, beware of trucks trying to pass cars and other trucks. I almost had a head on collision on the way to Columbia River Gorge. A truck whizzed by me close as it barely made it passing all those cars. I had no time to be taken aback to what happened. I had a car pulling a trailer behind me and i didn't want to be rear ended. Ough)))

    Looking forward to what Khoas Driver has in store for the future. Skinwalker too. Talked to Zamiel about a third record. I need to pow wow with him more and get a better sense and detail with how we approach the next phase. Longboard has been in little to no contact lately. Seems like he is keeping to his own world. I am questioning how much involvement he wants in Skinwalker. In doing so, we might approach other drummers or work on programming like Mysticum or Diabolic Masquarade. I might even suggest we be a like the Beatles and Darkthrone and stop playing live. But I am not sure how much Zamiel would go for that. He does have Kömmand. So I feel his live performance ya ya's would be satisfied with that. But like I said, things might be a changin'. Khaos Driver does have some goals. And working on those will be in tandem with anything I do with work, family and addiction.

    I will let you folks go. Don't want to write a book here. Just a quick recap of the past month. Cheers and keep your eye out for the new Tuesday Primer.

Devv 0)))

Ciao)))

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