November Pain

     Holy frick. November is almost over. Time is flying. "Time keeps on slipping slipping slipping, into the future." Too bad humans haven't mastered time. Time will always be the ultimate enemy. Friend. Mediator. Factor in decisions. Should I go on? Do you get my drift? Do you have enough, time? 

    Work.

    Work is work. Last couple days of the week this week was grueling. Not because of work. But because of myself. I think my body is telling me to get better. We'll get back to that later. Lethargy and other contributors like, depression and self-imposed oppression. It seems at times I am triggered by things I am thinking about and I get teary eyed or full on start crying. Music or podcast conversations hit me hard sometimes. My mom always said that I was sensitive. but how sensitive can I get? I want to build strength. I want to not work where I do. But I have no other option. I never went to college. So I am self-stunted by education. I want to go to college for geology, but I stump myself with what my thesis would be. 

    Family.

    I feel like my family is doing good. We have our moments. I wish I can control my feelings for my wife and son. I can be a curmudgeon. I want to be better for them. Nathan is doing well considering he has a problem with problematic students. He wants to retaliate and defend himself and it gets him in trouble. Chrystal and I talk to him. Not in a shitty way either. We try to be honest and realistic. I need to find a way for him to eat better as well. He can eat too much non-nutritional food (he sneaks it). He needs to be better with hygiene as well. I fear he lets his hands go and probably gets bacteria on them and puts them on his food or manually playing around and just putting hands in mouth. Anyhoo, he needs to smarten up and realize he gets himself sick.

    Music.

    As of writing this today. Khaos Driver have band practice. I hope it goes well. We haven't been a full band in months. We might not be today. Willie usually is the can't be there guy. Not dissin'. Just the way it is when you have a huge family to take care of. He works alot and watches his grandchildren. So his time is hella consumed. I want to write more songs. Play more shows. But I am not the leader of the band. The band is hella democratic. A lot of filtering goes through members. Once again, not a dis. Just the way it is with how bands combine their real lives with being in a band. Where we are at in the realm of things is having to be compromising and patient. Work within our means and time. Time. There's that word again. 

    Self.

    I really need to go in for a check up. I am like an overdue volcano. I am one of those fine Americans that are scared to go to the doctor and get the "Are you ready?" speech. The laundry list of symptoms I am going through make me this way. I fear once the doctor looks at me he can diagnose within seconds. I digress. It is no joke to joke about myself this way. But hey. Excuse me for having a sense of humor. Same goes for if I have to see a therapist. I would be like "Where do I start?"

    Likes.

    SKITTLES

    ORANGE SWIRL SODA

    VANILLA COKE

    CHEESEBURGERS

    FRENCH FRIES

    PIZZA

    ENCHILADAS

    WEED

    FLAVORED CANNABIS VAPE PENS

    REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS

    HONEY BUT CHEERIOS

    FROSTED POP TARTS STRAWBERRY

    ORDERING VINYL

    BUYING ALBUMS FROM BANDCAMP

    LTD F-50 ELECTRIC GUITAR

    BOSS METAL ZONE PEDAL

    BOSS HEAVY METAL PEDAL

    BOSS GT-8

    BOGREN AMPKNOB PLUG INS (REV C & BDH BUNDLE)

    ML SOUNDLAB STEVIE T FREE AMP SIM

    ML SOUNDLAB HALLOWEEN CABINET IR PACKS 2022 & 2023

    FREE CABINET IR'S FROM SPECTRE SOUND STUDIOS

    ICED MOCHAS

    HOT SALTED CARAMEL MOCHAS

    STRAWBERRY BULL BLASTERS

    DONUT SHOP STYLE DRIP COFFEE

    TUNA SANDWICHES WITH EXTRA PICKLES AND LETTUCE

    CINNAMON & RAISIN BAGELS WITH CREAM CHEESE

    HOMEMADE STEW

    HOMEMADE OVEN ROASTED TURKEY

    HOMEMADE MASHED POTATOES

    HOMEMADE GRAVY

    COMICTOM 101 MYSTERY MAIL CALL

    COMICTOM ON YOUTUBE

    J-DAWG FROM HELLSHEADBANGERS YOUTUBE

    LEGION OF SKANKS PODCAST

    YOUR MOMS HOUSE PODCAST

    2 BEARS 1 CAVE PODCAST

    KILL TONY PODCAST

    JOE ROGAN EXPERIENCE

    PODCAST CRINGE ON YOUTUBE

    SB MOWING ON YOUTUBE

    SOMETHING'S BURNING

    BERTCAST

    ARE YOU GARBAGE? PODCAST

    WHISKY GINGER PODCAST

    LET THERE BE TALK PODCAST

    BILL BURR'S MONDAY MORNING PODCAST

    WTF WITH MARC MARON PODCAST

    THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW ON YOUTUBE

    THE REGZ PODCAST

    FLY ON THE WALL PODCAST

    THAT ROCKS! ON YOUTUBE

    THE TIM DILLON SHOW PODCAST

    MATT AND SHANE'S SECRET PODCAST

    ONE DRUM ONE STICK ON YOUTUBE

    STEVE-O'S WILD RIDE! PODCAST

    NICK ZETNER ON YOUTUBE

    OLA ENGLUND ON YOUTUBE

    RAUTA ON YOUTUBE

    REAL ASS PODCAST

    THE CODY TUCKER SHOW

    THE GARZA PODCAST

    RAP LIFE REVIEW ON YOUTUBE

    NETFLIX

    MAX

    PRIME VIDEO

    Conclusion.

    I have no idea when I will do the things I need to do. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I was not borderline narcissist. I need to work on me. I have a feeling my kindness gets mistaken for stupidity. I want to show motherfuckers I don't fuck around. But to carry that on my head would get me in trouble with how soft the times have gotten. I don't know if I am making any sense. In that regard. I better stop typing and carry on until the next entry. The best I can do. Cheers from Omak!

🚬)))

Ciao)))

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